Gentle Parenting: Southern Mom Style
We have all seen the meme:
But I get it. On the days that the children are throwing goldfish like confetti right after you finished cleaning the living room for the 3rd time today. I mean parenting with brains, boundaries, and a whole lot of patience... sprinkled with the occasional deep breath so you don’t turn into full-blown Medusa in yoga pants. This is what I have found works for me and my kiddos. I believe in manners, eye contact, and not raising feral raccoons disguised as children. But I also believe in emotional intelligence, second chances, and giving kids the tools to manage their own behavior—without needing to raise your voice so high the dog tilts its head like you’ve lost your mind.
As a therapist- I feel like it is also important to note a trend I see with the kiddos that are brought to me. More often than not when families come to me, the real work isn’t with the kids. It’s with us. The parents. Not in a guilt-trip, “you’re doing it wrong” kind of way—but in the empowering, “you have more influence than you realize” kind of way. Once we shift how we respond, the kids follow. Like magic, but with a lot more snack crumbs.
This is my version of gentle parenting. It’s structured, science-backed, and just sassy enough to keep it real.
Step 1. Criss-Cross Applesauce: The Reset Button
Before anyone starts yelling or launching LEGOs across the room, we go straight to “criss-cross applesauce.” I do not care if we are in WalMart, in a restaurant, in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner- when I say criss-cross applesauce my kid has to sit down and count to 10. Sitting down changes a child’s physical state and gives their brain a second to catch up. This pause helps activate the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for impulse control and decision-making (Siegel & Bryson, 2011). The idea is to shift them from their reactive “downstairs brain” to their thinking “upstairs brain.”
It’s like pressing pause on a chaotic moment—but for kiddos. And let me tell you, sometimes that’s all it takes to avoid a full-blown meltdown over the color of a cup or jumping on the couch.
Step 2. Time-Out, but Make It Mindful
Time-out in my house isn’t a punishment corner—it’s a calm-down zone. The rule is: however old you are, that’s how many minutes you sit. But here’s the twist—we pair it with a grounding activity: something simple like holding a smooth rock, counting deep breaths, or even coloring quietly. My favorite thing that I have found that my children love are the sand art timers found here on Amazon.
This helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming the body down after stress (Porges, 2011). When done right, time-outs help kids learn to self-regulate, not stew in silence (Morawska & Sanders, 2011). You’re basically teaching your kid how to recover from big emotions—without needing a referee whistle.
3. Logical Consequences: Work It Off, Don’t Just Take It Away
Now if we get to the point where something has to be done, we go for logical consequences. Not “go to your room forever” type stuff—but something that makes sense. You break something? You help clean it up. You mouth off? You might lose tablet time and gain dish duty.
This method teaches cause and effect, while also reinforcing personal responsibility. Research shows that consistent, related consequences are way more effective than yelling or punishment alone (Baumrind, 1991; Kazdin, 2005). And no, chores won’t ruin their childhood. In fact, they build character, empathy, and executive function skills (Markham, 2012).
4. Consistency is the Secret Sauce
Look—none of this works if you’re only doing it on Tuesdays. The magic of gentle parenting isn’t in being perfect—it’s in being predictable. When kids know what to expect, they feel safe. This kind of structure reduces stress, builds trust, and actually helps their brains wire for better behavior (Center on the Developing Child, 2020).
You can’t “kindness” your way out of chaos. But you can build habits, routines, and boundaries that do the heavy lifting for you.
Conclusion
So there you have it—my not-so-secret recipe for raising good humans without losing your mind. We sit criss-cross to pause and think. We take time-outs with purpose, not punishment. We deal in consequences that make sense, not power trips. And above all, we stay consistent, even when it would be easier to just let the little rascal eat Cheetos in the bathtub.
Gentle parenting doesn’t mean letting kids run the show. It means showing up with empathy, structure, and a game plan. And if they test your limits (which they will), you don’t have to lose your cool—you just have to hold the line, calmly… and maybe take a snack break in the pantry.
Because let’s face it, even gentle parents need a moment to themselves.
References:
Baumrind, D. (1991). The Influence of Parenting Style on Adolescent Competence and Substance Use. Journal of Early Adolescence.
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2020). Brain Architecture. https://developingchild.harvard.edu
Kazdin, A. E. (2005). Parent Management Training: Treatment for Oppositional, Aggressive, and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents.
Markham, L. (2012). Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. TarcherPerigee.
Morawska, A., & Sanders, M. R. (2011). Parental Use of Time Out Revisited: A Useful or Harmful Parenting Strategy?. Journal of Child and Family Studies.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam Books.
